International Women’s Day 2021: A Reflection

The way we love our neighbors, should only be a reflection of how we love ourselves!

Today I woke up and made myself breakfast. I cooked a fried egg with a slice of Colby jack cheese. I prefer shredded cheese on my eggs but for the first time in a while we ran out of shredded cheese. I fried up some bacon and made some ginger and turmeric tea with fresh ginger peels and honey. This was my way of cleansing my body of the toxins from the weekend and also getting in a little water before I had my coffee. I straightened my hair, showered and headed out to work.

I went to work from 11:00am-3:00pm which was the schedule I set for myself. This was actually a longer work day for me because I was helping out a fellow nurse who was sick over the weekend. I just needed a moment to embrace the fact that I set forth my work hours. I’m usually known as a hustler and a go-getter but this season for me is about planting and being aware of the seasons God takes me through. This season of my life I’m embracing the moment I have to mostly be home with my babies and my hubby.

My most favorite part of the day was just driving listening worship music and drinking my coffee. I had my cute green Starbucks mug my nephew got me for Christmas because he knows I love my Coffee. Although I enjoy Starbucks or Biggby on Wednesday’s, Most days I drink Folgers because growing up I’d watch my great-granny Faye drink it. I remember waking to the sound of her tea kettle, hence why I still make my tea on a kettle and I still brew my coffee.

Moving forward, I came home feeling very exhausted so I decided to make a quick lunch (grilled cheese and ramen noddles with pepper and hot sauce) before I plopped in bed for nap. Unfortunately, my nap started just before Shaun and the kids went for an afternoon walk. Normally I would feel guilty for not joining the family in our evening walk but today I’m most proud because I just listened to what my body needed at that moment and it was rest.

Surprisingly, they still enjoyed themselves without me. Like seriously my family are more than capable of having a walk without mom. PyperRose came in the room telling me about how some ladies did not acknowledge her dad, but they were “just looking at her and the baby”. She added that “It was totally weird”! She also explained how they stopped at the store for candy and pop. That’s funny because if I were with them, I probably would have spoiled the moment and suggested juice and chips instead. I also got to hear Shaun reflect on the walk expressing to his mom how the kids just “floated through the air” and how much they “really needed a moment outside”.

Later this evening Shaun made tacos for dinner. Unfortunately, I had a late lunch and was still pretty full so I decided to eat 2 Del Monte Diced Peach Fruit Cups that I brought for the kids. Another proud moment because most times I feel bad for eating their snacks, buying canned or packed fruit, or not eating dinner with them. Hey! most times I feel bad about many things like having PyperRose look through the sock pile to find a semi-matching pair of socks or Baby Shaun practically potty training himself. He literally walks into the bathroom, grabs his stool, turns on the light, pees in the potty, empties it into the toilet and then puts it back into its rightful place! Then he runs to the bedroom for high fives and praises. I just realized that it would probably be a good idea to start incorporating a hand washing segment to his routine.

The last part of my day, which has been the most impactful was me finally completing the New York Times Best Seller “Present over Perfect”. It was the first book I noticed tonight in my pile of the other unfinished books I have lying under my nightstand. I use to be ashamed that it takes me so long to finish books, but like in many other areas of my life I’m learning to be okay with the not finishing and the not completing.

In fact, it has taken me about 2 years to complete this particular novel! I tried to start it two years ago on our family trip to Myrtle Beach! Finally I had the opportunity to have the cute family, the umbrella on the beach, tanning cream, cocktail of some sort and a NYT bestseller! I was all set for a relaxing day at the beach! But then the hubby and the baby just kept doing all these attention worthy and having these photo worthy moments that kept distracting me from this beautifully written book. Then it hit me… This is a moment to be present, not perfect. I thought to myself, perhaps you can find another time to read your book? Like Seriously! Do you want your daughter to remember you reading a novel or being present over perfect during your first time at the beach, or do you want her to remember you building that sand castle, keeping her feet clean from the sand and walking along the coast? It was definitely not a book worm moment and I’m so glad I realized that. Now, I can remember us playing until we all fell fast asleep right on the beach!

This moment is very pivotal for me because it’s like I started this novel at the right time, but the wrong place and now, at 30, I’m completing it at the right moment.

As I sit here watching my hubby and my son stretched arms wide in his little striped navy onesie I realized that being PRESENT is much more praise worthy than always being perfect. It’s okay that all the laundry isn’t done because we skipped laundry to have a date night and to spend our dads 54th birthday with him. It’s okay that mommy got tired and skipped a family stroll. It’s okay to not have a microwave or a Kerig. It’s okay to take as long as you want to finish a novel or not finish it at all. And it’s also okay for life to just happen and sometimes just be messy.

Women, all women, feel many pressures to “be” and over the past 5 years I’ve been on a journey to just “be” who and what makes me happy. It’s very easy to try and conform to be a “good” Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, nurturer or caregiver that we too often neglect ourselves.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned through all of this is self-care. Today for me was about self preservation. Today I felt my body getting tired, I felt myself getting overwhelmed, I felt myself feeling the need to perform and I stopped it from the beginning of my day to the end. And now my family is still happy, they are healthy and I’m right here doing what I enjoy which is writing.

The grace we give to others and the grace we receive from God, we must also give to ourselves.

Happy International Women’s Day.